Work Horse [To make something new, you must destroy what it once was.]

Tomorrow, May 24, I move out of my apartment. The rest of the summer project arrives. Wow, this semester has gone by so quickly. I can barely put it into words. So I won't yet.

Kate, a friend from summer project last summer, came to visit on Saturday. Talk about nostalgia. Being in the same city in which we served together brought back so many memories. We walked all around, talking, laughing, seeing old friends. So good.

Last night, I spent the night with Stephanie and Jeanette. Marelie and Claire were there, too. We watched Despicable Me, ate popcorn, and talked. It was good to have a girls' night.

And now, here I am, packing up 4 months of my life into 1 suitcase, 1 backpack, and 1 box. It's bizarre, because living in Montpellier is normal for me now. Living in this tiny studio apartment on this busy street with creepers lurking everywhere. Haha. That last part is only half true. But when I leave in July, I will have been here almost 6 months. I haven't lived in one place that long since I graduated high school.

But I told Eric yesterday that this is what's normal for me now. It's going to weird going back to the States. I'm sure I'll fall right back in to step there though. Even if it takes a week or two.

Besides, I suppose no place is really my home [very much so with my last post in mind]. Wherever God takes me, that's where I belong. Right now it's Montpellier. July 1, it'll be Illinois. Mid-August, it'll probably be Minnesota.

Obedience. That's what's on my mind right now. I've been searching for a word to contain all my thoughts today, and that would be it. Obedience. Not just doing something, but the state of being while doing something.

Obedience. Going to France. Obedience. Being told to go home. Obedience. Trying to find some sort of self-control. Obedience. Dancing in the light of direction. Obedience. Hanging your head and walking into a battle that you'll lose so that the war can be won. Obedience. Losing yourself so that you are truly found. Obedience.

Obedience. And all this time I've thought I was in control. And all this time I thought I could do this. I was a fool.

♫ I live less like a work horse, more like a slave. ♫

There's a difference in following and being lead I think. Maybe I'm being ridiculous. But being lead involves submission. A submission that I'm not capable of without God. I'm too proud. Indeed. That something I was reminded of even this morning as I was reading Titus.

And as summer project is starting, I want to be obedient. I was to serve as Christ came to serve. But goodness, I've got to shuck my prideful, reins-stealing, big-headed, selfish ego. I'm praying God will give me a ticket for the humility train.

"Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone." - Titus 3:1-2

I'll be keeping you updated on project via this blog. Though not as frequently as I'd like. Internet will be scarce.

Love.