I finished my semester of study abroad yesterday. I had two exams yesterday, 3 Tuesday, and 1 Monday. And now it's over. It doesn't feel like it, as I'll be staying in Montpellier for 6 more weeks. Talk about anti-climactic.
Actually, that's only half true. Things here are going to change for me. No more class with ministry on the side. The summer project arrives on Tuesday, and it's ministry only for the next 40 days or so. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
However...
My heart is heavy right now. As it was last night.
Last night we had Bible study. And it was amazing. Such good conversation about Matthew 19:16-30. About the young rich man. You know the story. [If you don't, that's okay. Sorry for assuming.] We had some pretty intense discussion, actually. Followed by some sweet Gospel sharing. Then prayer. It was so great to have fellowship like that. I feel like it's pretty few and far between here. At least for me. Maybe that's not true. But that's how I've been feeling.
While Joakim [a French guy who is more Californian than anyone from California will ever be] was sharing his thoughts last night, I was suddenly taken by a couple different emotions.
Thankful. Joyful. Proud. Sad.
I'm going to miss this so much. These people here - my friends, my community, people that touched my heart and changed me with knowing it. How am I supposed to leave them? Knowing the chances of me seeing them again are slim?
I shouldn't dwell on that. God could lead me back here. But I've been homesick off and on for months. Is that really something I want? Does it matter what I want? Especially when I don't know what the heck that even is anymore. I want to stay; I want to go home.
♫ single Minded, whole hearted, one thing I ask: that I may gaze upon Your beauty, oh Lord; that I may seek Your Holy Face; that I may know You in an intimate way; and follow after You all of my days... ♫
One thing for sure. I want to be with Jesus. He has everything I'm searching for, everything I want. And the more I find Him, the more I'm looking for Him. Oh, lyrics just popped in my head again.
♫ to have found You and still be looking for You. It's the soul's paradox of love. ♫
I love me some old school Newsboys. Good stuff.
Anyway, so as these thoughts of leaving this life I've lived here for 5 months, I just think heaven. And how great it will be. And how I'll see these people again. Last semester, I had some good discussions with people as to whether we'll recognize friens and loved ones in heaven or not. I think we will. I actually think that quite strongly.
I think that praising God alongside these French friends will be so glorifying to Him. Far more than I could do alone. Maybe that's not true. He knows. I'm just making statements. Maybe I'm missing the point. That it won't matter that they're beside me because Jesus will be there, too. And He's captivating. Intoxicating. He outshines all other things.
But my heart is heavy wishing that they'd stay in my life longer. As my friend, Philippe said, life is full of saying goodbye to everyone. Except the person you marry. They'll probably follow you wherever you go.
Ah, Philippe. He has such a way with words.
Another wise friend - shoutout to BD - told me not to become numb to goodbyes. I pray that never happens to me. Just because hurts, doesn't mean I'll stray away from them.
43 days to go. Here's to spending as much time as I can with these people that I love. So much that it tears my heart in two to leave. Knowing that God will put it back to together, let me cry with Him, and provide exactly what I need until I see them again and/or I'm finally completely in His arms.
"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." - 1 Thessalonians 2:8
Love.
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