I've been having a lot of thoughts lately. Haha, what a way to start a blog post. But anyway, back to my original train of thought [as I never know how long these will last], I've been thinking a lot lately. Nothing too profound, but closer to profound than not profound. Profound to me, maybe not to the rest of the world. But isn't that what profound is? It changes us... to heck with everyone else's reactions.
So I'm sitting at my desk looking out my window. As it has been the past few days, it's a little cloudy today. Not too bad, just more clouds than not clouds in the sky. I'm sitting at my desk [but on my bed, never in my desk chair. with the computer perched perfectly near the corner]. I have a mug of coffee even though it's 12:23pm. Instant Starbucks. Caramel flavored. It's in my mom's old mug that says "Janet". Under her name it says, "Character: A compassionate person whose concern for others is great, your thoughtful actions inspire and continually motivate. With people you extend a deep, tender, loving care, making your special heart exceptional and rare." I miss my mom.
I'm a different person than the last time I talked to her. This bothers me a little. But I do like the person I'm becoming. I think she would, too.
Lately, I've been breaking one of my general life rules. I've been reading 5 books at the same time. If you count books of the Bible that number jumps up to 7. Usually I read a maximum of 3 books at one time: a book for fun, an Old Testament book, and a New Testament book. When I say an OT book, that generally means Psalms. I like to read a Psalm a day. Or two if that day's Psalm was short. But I have a lot of extra time on my hands right now [we don't have class this week or next week].
My dad sent me Narnia. All 7 books in one big volume. I read the first two, now I'm taking a brief break. I'm reading The Problem of Pain by C.S Lewis. I'm reading More Than a Carpenter in French. I'm reading a commentary on Joshua, Judges, Samuel, and Kings. I'm reading 2 Samuel right now. I'm reading Mark, but only on my date nights with Jesus. I'm reading the Psalms. I think that's it. I'm not really close to finishing any of them. Well, I'm almost done with Psalms, but I may start Proverbs after that. D'habitude.
I went to the museum on Saturday because it was raining. It was kind of boring, but I loved being with my friend Josias, Marelie, Albin, and Spencer. They're fun. Easter was really good - church, lunch with the STINTers, games afterward, a long time with Katy, and calling home to finish off my night. So good. The next few days were boring, but yesterday many of us went to a friend's place for lunch. We ended up staying about 5 hours or so. Today I'm going to the beach I think. For a book club. Hence More than a Carpenter in French.
I'm a future girl. That is to say, I think about the future a lot. I read in a book once that this isn't good. We should constantly be in the present because it is more like eternity than the past or the future. Because all time is the present for God. Crazy to think about, huh? It also said that the past is better to think about than the future because it has at least had the present run through it. Anyway, I think about the future a lot. I think about the person I want to become.
I want to write. I want to love. I want to labor. I want to not struggle with the things I'm struggling with now. But why do I put these things away on the shelf of some time that may never come? Why don't I do these things now? So I'm trying to. And I've starting praying for self-control, because I realized I don't have as much of that as I'd like. And if God wishes to grow spiritual fruit in us, why would he not answer that prayer? In His timing, of course. Which may very well not be now. He knows better than I do, though I often don't live like I believe that.
The other side of my mom's mug has a 'list' of things about the name "Janet".
- Personality: "Engaging, decisive, and wise. You are easy to be with and others seek out your kind company."
- Origin: Hebrew. Meaning: God is gracious. Number: 4 [what?].
- Color: Turquoise. Animal: Ladybug [what? I'm allergic to these]. Plant: Tulip
- Variations: Jan, Janna, Janeta, Janette, Jannet, Jennetta.
Weird.
"If You, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness; therefore, You are feared." - Psalm 130:3-4
Forgiveness leads to fear?
Love.
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