I'm a creator. I never thought this was true about myself. If anything, my thought was always that I didn't have that gift. And maybe I don't. But that doesn't stop me. There is a part of me that creates. A part of me that I didn't discover for a long time. Though, I'm of the thought that it had been there all along; it just manifested itself in different, less satisfying ways.
Upon discovery, my life changed. I no longer struggled to make music or to paint or whatever. Instead, my choice medium is words. I'm not saying I'm a good writer. But when I have a blank page in front of me, thoughts just pour out of me like they're from somewhere else. It's fluid. I write for myself. Not for anyone else. And this has helped me to better understand the person that I am.
I am an expressive introvert. I'm not quiet by any means, but I'm timid. I need to be alone, but my thoughts can't just sit inside my head. So they come out through my hands, with my fingers translating perfectly. Most of the time.
So here I sit with a small bowl of cereal, because tea would keep me up longer. It's 12:30AM. I'm in France. I have my first French test tomorrow. But I don't want to study. I want to write. I want to create a reality that doesn't yet exist. I think that's where the name for this blog came from. Because my thoughts tend to stray from reality quite often. I over-analyze. I misinterpret. I don't catch certain things. But my thoughts are still there; they still exist. So a part of them is real. I think. Maybe this is just 12:30AM Jordan talking herself in circles.
I'm working on a new novel. It's kind of about what I've been talking about in this post. Kind of. A little more extreme though. I'm so excited. I may not sleep much tonight.
Love.
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